My Heart Will Go On
by DarkTaoAngel
Summary: After a horrific battle, Horo is gone, leaving Ren all alone. He knows that he will never come back, but there is still part of him left, in Ren's heart. My first RenHoro, songfic!


_I could see you running, running away, though I did not know where you were going. I tried to follow you, but I felt as though I could not move. But I was wrong; it was not that I could not move, but that I would not move. Someone was following you, and I knew almost right away what was about to happen. I looked away slightly, but that did not prevent the inevitable from occurring. And before I knew it, your screams filled the air; the screams of someone that was hurt… someone that was dying. I could finally move, but I had no desire to any longer. I looked over to see your lifeless body, and I felt as though a part of me had gone when you had. I felt as though I had died along with you._

I awoke with a start, not because of my alarm clock, but because of something else. How many times had I had this dream? It lasted for what seemed to be forever, though it had only been one week since what was in this awful dream had happened. The memory still remained, cold and unwanted, in my dreams, and also in my waking hours as well.

Every night in my dreams 

_**I see you, I feel you**_

_**That is how I know you go on**_

I still found it hard to cope with your death and, though many others had died as well, that one time had struck me the hardest. I, Tao Ren, have never, and should never, feel this way towards death. It is the inevitable, and it was bound to happen sooner or later, but part of my still questions 'why?' Why did it have to end this way? Why did it have to be so soon? Why did it have to be you, when it should have been me instead?

I know you would have wanted it this way, you told me you did, but I could tell that you were just trying to be nice. You knew who I was, who I could be, and yet you still tried to bring out what you knew was behind all of the lies. Well, now you've got what you wanted. I felt a tear slide down my face, falling slowly to the floor. Here I am, crying, and for what? You were just the annoying baka in my life, nothing more, so… why do I feel this way?

I walked over to your room, knowing that you would not be there, but still hoping against all hopes that you would be. I found an empty room, left as it was so long ago. Was this how you lived your whole life? I wish I could have come here when you were still alive.

_**Far across the distance and spaces between us**_

_**You have come to show you go on**_

I know you are out there, somewhere, but you are not here, where I want you to be. The inn is silent today, as it was this whole week. Now that I think about it, I might actually miss you; your smile, the way you always found a good insult, and the way I always found an even better comeback. But it is not only the way we fought that I miss, there is something more. Despite all that has happened, despite all of the anger I had shown towards you, there was always something more, something that I always longed to say, but never got the chance.

I was taught to hide my feelings, but you were the one that showed me not to. I never had a heart, the foulest emotion imaginable was always locked away inside of me, but you were just the baka to get me to let it out. I wish I could thank you for that in person.

_**Near far wherever you are**_

_**I believe that the heart does go on**_

Even though you cannot be here with me now, I can't help but bring back your memory. I do not know why that part of my life was so important, but I treasure those memories. I remember first meeting you, and calling you a baka for the first time. You took it as a mere insult, but it was my term of endearment. That was the best day of my life, and, although you did not know it, that was the sole reason I went back to Kyshuu, to fight my father, but also to prove to him that not all emotions are bad. I had hoped that by then you would have figured out the source of my actions, but once again, you took it in your own way, as my natural stubbornness. Oh, how I wished I could have told you then, but I did not want to face your reactions. I was afraid, for the first time in my life, I was scared of what someone would think, what you would think.

_**Once more you open the door**_

_**And you're here in my heart**_

_**And my heart will go on and on**_

I know you are too far gone to hear my words, but I had to get out what I was thinking. I had to shout out your name, and I did not care who heard; it was the least I could do to make up for my behavior earlier.

"Horohoro!" I shouted to no one in particular, "I know you would never have believed me if I had tried to tell you before, but…" I could not bring myself to say it. Why did could I not say it? Is it because it is not true? No, I told myself, it has to be, but… a small part of me thought that, even if I did say it, it would not ever be true. Not at all, what I wanted to say could only mean we were friends, but he never though that we were acquaintances, let alone…

_**Love can touch us one time and last a lifetime**_

_**And never let go 'til we're gone**_

I put my hand over my heart, feeling the scar almost directly over it. This was all because of him, because of his carelessness; because I had risked my life to save him. The attack had almost killed me, but it was worth it, just to see him alive. But something was missing, his smile, the smile I loved so much. Perhaps he was worried about me, or maybe he was not, I could not tell, really, and even if he was, that look was soon replaced by a blank stare… nothingness. I had saved his life by risking me own, and how did he repay me? By being killed and leaving me empty, with only dreams to hold on to, dreams of your last moments, dreams that I never wanted to begin with.

_**Love was when I loved you**_

_**One true time I hold you**_

_**In my life we'll always go on**_

I did not care whether you cared about me or not, as long as you were there, but now I have no one. Don't you realize the pain you have made me go through? You have made me suffer, and the worst part is, I do not hate you for it.

_**Near far wherever you are**_

_**I believe that the heart does go on**_

I took my hand off my heart, the only place where I still have some small part of you with me. No one else is there, only you, because you are the only person I care for enough. Some might have thought as out bickering as that of brothers, friends, or even close rivals, but I always wished it could have been thought of as more.

_**Once more you open the door**_

_**And you're here in my heart**_

_**And my heart will go on and on**_

I remember that time at the onsen, you and I were fighting again, but it somehow seemed a bit different that time. We were not fighting as rivals, but as friends. And after all you had done to help me out, how could I not think of you as my friend? But that was all I knew that we could ever be.

_**You're here, there's nothing I fear**_

**_And I know that my heart will go on_**

Even if I never told you, just sitting here and thinking about you would never be enough. I wanted more, but I never had it. Whenever I even go close to you, and to telling you the truth, there was always something that got in the way. And this time was no different, it was almost as though we were never meant to be together, and I knew it. No matter what I do, this time it is forever. I know you are never coming back, and I have to tell myself that. At least I have your memory to revisit.

_**We'll stay forever this way**_

_**You are safe in my heart**_

_**And my heart will go on and on**_

"No matter what, Horo, I will come looking for you. And some day I will finally find the courage to tell you what I have always wanted to," I whispered to myself, and to Horo, if he could hear me, "and someday you will know the truth. But for now, I will keep you in my heart, for that is where everyone I love goes, and that is where only you are welcome."


End file.
